Monday, February 23, 2009

The lie

The lie

Twisting and turning
over and over in my mind

Not told, but ready
ready as an answer
as an excuse

not for sympathy
but for more time

more time to straighten things out

the storm really does keep on twisting
'cause I'm building yet another lie
to make up for all that I lack

At least today there's movement

appointments made
emails sent
work going on

but the time to tell the lie may be coming
or it may not be necessary
depends I guess but not on me

either way it's ready

and one day I'm going to regret going back to this particular lie
karma is a bitch
and she may bite me hard when the time comes

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

listen and move

wasting away

so much planned
so much to do
so much that could make things better

too much time
not enough time
waste of fucking time

I walk around inside my head
begging for me to wake up
to just do it
do anything
do what I keep wanting to do
do that list that's been around for years
and years
and years

So many things I could do
to be better
feel better
look better
work better
love better

I'm so helpful to everyone
such a great teacher
a great leader
a great mentor
except to myself

I have the words
advice for days weeks and years
but no ears to hear it

no there are ears
just no legs
to arms
no desire?
plenty of desire
just no action



and frustrated

no angel

Spend all my time waiting for that second chance
for a break that would make it OK

There's always some reason to feel not good enough
and its hard at the end of the day

The storm keeps on twisting
I keep on building the lies that I make up for all that I lack

don't make no difference


What to say
What to do
What to be

I know it all

In my head
In my heart

But I can't get there
I can't even try to get there

I'm frozen

But looking for help
Forward motion

I want to be
the person I think I am
the person other people think I am
the person I think I should be
the person I know I could be

If I could just get there
get there
just get there

174 days.